This post is written by Sarah Bennett, mum to seven-year-old Oliver and four-year-old Mia, both on the autism spectrum. You can read more about our journey with autism, therapies, and family life here on the My Virtual Carer Blog.
When Oliver was first diagnosed, our home became a revolving door of therapists. We had speech therapists, occupational therapists, and behaviour specialists coming and going almost daily. To be honest, when a fresh-faced 23-year-old walked in and told me she could help, I wondered what on earth she could possibly teach me about my own children.
Turns out — a lot.
Parenting children with autism has turned my thinking upside down. The approaches that work are often completely counter-intuitive, and the smallest changes can have the biggest impact.
Here are some of the techniques we use every single day. They’ve reduced meltdowns, helped my kids understand what’s expected of them, and made our home a calmer, happier place.
1. Use Time to Reduce Transition Tantrums
Many autistic children find it hard to leave preferred activities or places. For Oliver, leaving the playground used to be a complete nightmare — screaming, falling to the ground, trying to bolt into the road. It was terrifying and heartbreaking.
The game-changer? Minute Warnings and Timers.
I started giving Oliver a clear countdown before a transition:
- “Five minutes until we leave the park.”
- “Two minutes until it’s bath time.”
I set the timer on my phone, and when it went off, we followed through every single time. No negotiating, no “just five more minutes.”
It took two weeks of consistency before we saw real results, but now it’s second nature. The warnings help him mentally prepare for the change, and it gives him a sense of control without letting him dictate the schedule.
2. First/Then Statements
Sometimes the problem isn’t leaving somewhere — it’s starting something they don’t want to do.
That’s where First/Then comes in.
- “First finish your snack, then we can watch your show.”
- “First we tidy the toys, then we can go outside.”
We started with picture cards because Oliver is a visual learner. Seeing “First homework” and “Then Lego” laid out in front of him made a huge difference. Over time, verbal first/then worked just as well.
It gives him structure, clarity, and reassurance that something he likes is coming after the less appealing task.
3. Reward Positive Behaviour
When you spend a big chunk of your day saying “No, stop, put that down,” it’s easy to forget to notice the good stuff. But praising positive behaviour is one of the most powerful tools we’ve used.
Instead of just saying “Good job,” I get specific:
- “I love how you shared the car with Mia.”
- “You did a great job staying calm when the TV stopped working.”
If praise alone isn’t motivating, we use small rewards — a sticker, a token towards a bigger treat. And no, I don’t see it as bribery. We all work for rewards, whether it’s a pay cheque, recognition, or a little treat at the end of a hard day.
4. Focus on What to Do — Not What to Stop
I used to bark “Stop running!” or “Don’t touch that!” on repeat. But for a child who might not fully process “don’t,” that’s just confusing.
Now I try to tell Oliver exactly what I want him to do instead:
- “Walk on the path” instead of “Don’t run off.”
- “Hands on your lap” instead of “Stop fidgeting.”
It’s simple, but it’s transformed how he responds — because he knows exactly what’s expected.
5. Remain Calm (Even When You Don’t Feel Calm)
This is the hardest one for me. When your child is screaming, throwing, or hitting, staying calm feels almost impossible. But if I lose it, I just add fuel to the fire.
So I take deep breaths, lower my voice, and remind myself — I am the adult. My children don’t yet have the skills to regulate their emotions, but I do. If I want them to learn calm, I have to show calm.
The Big Lesson
Since starting these strategies (and sticking with them), Oliver is less frustrated, Mia is more cooperative, and I feel more confident as a parent. Behaviour therapy taught me that structure isn’t about control — it’s about safety and predictability, and both of those lead to happier kids.
Parenting is messy and unpredictable, and the hard phases will pass. Sometimes, all it takes to get through them is a few simple tools and a lot of consistency.
How My Virtual Carer Can Help
When you’re trying to remember therapy tips, keep track of routines, and coordinate with carers, teachers, and family members — the mental load is enormous.
The My Virtual Carer app can help by:
- Storing and sharing visual schedules and first/then boards
- Setting transition timers and reminders
- Keeping notes on what strategies work best for your child
- Logging progress so everyone in your child’s support network stays on the same page
Small adjustments can lead to big changes — and having everything organised in one place makes it so much easier to stay consistent.
📲 Find out more or download the app here: www.myvirtualcarer.com