When my son, Jacob, was younger, he used to call every uncomfortable feeling “angry.” It didn’t matter if he was anxious, embarrassed, or just tired — to him, it was all anger. And excitement? He’d either miss the feeling entirely or confuse it for something else.
I remember one day after school, he came home looking downcast. When I asked what was wrong, he said, “Everyone was mad at me.” Later, I found out no one had been upset with him at all — a friend had been sad, but Jacob had read their face and body language as anger directed at him.
That’s when I realised just how much support he needed to understand emotions — his own and other people’s.
Why Emotional Understanding Matters
Being able to recognise, interpret, and manage emotions is more than a social skill. It’s the foundation for healthy relationships, self-confidence, and mental wellbeing. Without it, Jacob was missing out on connections and sometimes feeling hurt when no harm was meant.
Recognising His Own Emotions
We started with the basics — noticing and naming feelings. I’d point things out as they happened:
- “You’re smiling. You must be happy.”
- “I can see you’re frowning. Are you feeling frustrated?”
We explored how emotions feel in the body:
- Nervous? “Does it feel like butterflies in your tummy?”
- Angry? “Is your heart beating faster?”
We even drew “body maps” showing where he feels different emotions — red for heat when angry, blue for calm.
Recognising Other People’s Emotions
Movies and books became our secret tool. We’d pause a scene and guess how the character was feeling by looking at their face, body, and voice. “Inside Out” was a huge hit in our house — not just for entertainment but as a way to talk about feelings openly.
We also used emotion cards and short social stories. They broke situations down into simple steps Jacob could understand: what happened, how someone might feel, and how he could respond.
Understanding Emotional Intensity
One of the most useful things we created was an “emotion ladder.” For anger, rung 1 was calm, rung 5 was ready to explode. Jacob could point to where he was on the ladder — which meant I could step in before things hit a crisis.
Some days we used emojis instead of words. Other days, a “feelings thermometer” worked better. The key was making it visual.
Accepting That All Feelings Are OK
I reminded Jacob often: it’s normal to feel happy, sad, jealous, nervous — and that feelings change. Big feelings don’t last forever. This helped him stop seeing emotions as “good” or “bad” and start viewing them as just part of being human.
Managing Strong Emotions
We practised coping strategies when he was calm so they’d be easier to use when he was overwhelmed. Some of his favourites:
- Breathing exercises (tracing his fingers while breathing in and out)
- Listening to his favourite calming playlist
- Squeezing a soft sensory ball when frustrated
- Taking a break in a quiet corner with a book
We also worked on the “pause before reacting” habit — though I’ll be honest, this is still a work in progress for both of us.
What I’ve Learned as a Parent
Teaching Jacob about emotions hasn’t been a quick process. It’s taken patience, creativity, and a willingness to try different approaches until something clicked. But over time, I’ve seen him grow — from a boy who felt confused by his own feelings to one who can say, “I’m nervous about tomorrow, can we talk?”
And that, to me, is worth every step of the journey.
How My Virtual Carer Helps Us with Emotional Development
Keeping track of what works for Jacob — his triggers, calming strategies, and emotional progress — used to be a juggling act. The My Virtual Carer app has made it so much easier to:
- Store and share his personal emotion ladder and coping tools with teachers and carers
- Log incidents and note which strategies helped him calm down
- Set reminders for daily “calm time” activities
- Keep everyone in his support network up to date so his emotional support is consistent
Having all this in one place means we can focus less on scrambling for solutions in the moment — and more on helping Jacob grow into a young man who understands and owns his emotions.
📲 Learn more or download the app here: www.myvirtualcarer.com