When my daughter, Lily, was first diagnosed as autistic, my protective instincts kicked in harder than ever. I wanted to speak for her, stand up for her, shield her from every challenge. And for a long time, I did.
But one day, at a school event, Lily turned to me and whispered, “Mum, I can tell them myself.”
That was the moment I realised — my job wasn’t just to protect her. It was to help her protect herself. To give her the skills and confidence to speak up for what she needs, what she feels, and what she believes in. That’s self-advocacy.
Why Self-Advocacy Matters for Our Children
For children with autism, ADHD, disabilities, or other additional needs, self-advocacy isn’t just about “speaking up” — it’s about being able to:
- Explain their needs so they get the right support
- Make decisions about their own life, in school and beyond
- Join in activities without feeling left out
- Contribute to their community
- Build confidence and independence
The more they practise it, the better they can navigate school, friendships, and eventually, the workplace.
What We’ve Been Working On
1. Knowing Who They Are
I started asking Lily open questions to help her figure out her likes, dislikes, and needs:
- “What makes you happiest at school?”
- “What things are hard for you right now?”
- “What would help you feel more comfortable?”
I listened — really listened — even when the answers surprised me.
2. Decision-Making
We began with small, everyday choices:
- “Do you want to wear your blue jumper or your red one?”
- “Do you want to start homework now or after a snack?”
Giving her safe, real choices showed her that her voice matters.
3. Goal-Setting
When Lily said she wanted to order food at a café by herself, we made a “goal ladder”:
- Watch me order.
- Practise ordering at home.
- Order with me standing next to her.
- Order completely on her own.
It took time, but the pride on her face when she did it — unforgettable.
4. Building Confidence
We role-played tricky situations, like asking a teacher for help. At first, she wanted me to do all the talking. Now, she leads, and I’m just there as backup.
5. Problem-Solving
When Lily worried about a school trip being too noisy, we looked at solutions together: Could she take her headphones? Could she sit near the teacher? Could she have a quiet break spot?
6. Personal Boundaries
We talked about the difference between being friendly and feeling pressured. She practised saying things like, “I don’t like that,” or “That’s too loud for me.”
7. Managing Emotions
Big feelings can make speaking up harder. We practise calming strategies when she’s not upset, so they’re ready when she needs them — deep breaths, squeezing her fidget ball, or having a “safe space” in school.
8. Knowing Her Rights
We looked at the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child in simple language. I want her to know she has the right to be included, supported, and respected — and the responsibility to offer that same respect to others.
It’s a Lifelong Skill
Self-advocacy isn’t something we can tick off a list. It’s an ongoing journey. Some days Lily speaks up with confidence; other days she needs me to step in. And that’s okay. What matters is that she knows her voice matters — and that she’s learning how to use it.
How My Virtual Carer Helps Us on This Journey
Keeping track of Lily’s goals, triggers, and strategies could be overwhelming, but the My Virtual Carer app makes it manageable:
- I can store her personal preferences and sensory needs so teachers and carers have them instantly.
- We track her progress on self-advocacy goals and celebrate milestones together.
- I set reminders for practice sessions, like role-playing before a school meeting.
- Her strategies are shared with everyone in her support network, so she gets consistent responses wherever she is.
Self-advocacy has given Lily more confidence and independence. The app helps me stay organised and ensures the people around her are ready to support that growth.
📲 Learn more or download the app here: www.myvirtualcarer.com